I'm Rachel.
I’m so glad you’re here.
All tagged Christian based recovery
Parents love and nurture their children, provide and lead to the best of their abilities. Then all of a sudden the clock strikes some magical tune between the ages of 5-7 and a child is launched out into the real world. Alone, children without the full ability to navigate the prefrontal cortex, emotions, or fight and flight instincts are asked to trust and follow a complete stranger.
Every single day, I ask God for wisdom and strength to get me through the hard days of temper tantrums, sensory meltdowns, sibling rivalry, harsh words, dirty bathrooms, discipline, and foolish behavior (there's and mine).
I was a believer by the time I entered into recovery for the first time but I was gripping so tightly to the lies and shame of my past that I could not fully trust my Savior to actually save me. I had to address my mess. I had to accept where I was, what was around me, how it was seeping into my every pore and affecting every part of my life before I could accept Christ’s promises for healing.
Grief and joy are never far removed from one another. One emotion can easily access the other. Neither emotion is every far from your embrace. Yet, grief is a tightness in your chest. Grief is a crashing wave. Grief is lingering and heavy. Grief is the emotion we don’t want to experience, we are ready to be rid of it as soon as it sweeps over us and yet this unwelcome visitor persists. Unfortunately, and this is what the work of Christ teaches us, without grief we would not cherish joy.
God placed Sean in my life at a time when I was suicidal and looking for any way to have to stop covering up my heartache with jokes and a goofy personality. I was so ashamed by the sexual abuse. I was ashamed of my family and home. I didn’t want people to know how broken I was in fear of the lies that I’d been told, “No one would ever love me.”
Rest didn’t look like a good night’s sleep or a weekend getaway to restore my faculties and gusto. I felt pushed to pull away from ministries I spent years of my life serving. I felt inclined to turn away from the stress and anxiety of social media. I even reexamined the structure of my homeschool.
So, here’s what I try to do when I am feeling overwhelmingly anxious. (I say try, because I’m human and fail at about every single thing I do.) In times when the weather dampens my mood, politics feels like a loss, or the world seems to be falling apart altogether, I take the Lord’s advice and I become still. Here’s what that looks like:
You feel the feels. Seriously, don’t let someone bring you down because you have strong, passionate feelings. Those are in no way bad things. But let’s stop confusing our reasonable, logical, organized thoughts from our CEREBRAL CORTEX with the disorganized, at times spontaneous, unreliable, inconvenient feelings and emotions that derive from our amygdala.
Have you ever had one of those days where you're approached by a good friend while yelling at your husband in the parking lot of church? NO? Well, I must be alone in this because that totally happened to me.
