Letting Go of Lies After Sexual Abuse

I am ugly. I'm not good enough. I'm stupid. I am unloveable. I'm too needy. I'm worthless. I am unwanted. 

These are the lies. 

Without a doubt, every single person on the face of the planet believes a lie about themselves. Lies stem from past abuse or hurts, how someone has treated you, names you've been called, etc. Many times these lies that we ALL believe overtake relationships.

By the grace of God I have ended up married to a good man with a good heart who loves me even when I don't see it. However, I have truly allowed those lies that I've always believed to take seed in our marriage.

I will question his intentions. I negatively interpret kind gestures as an admission of guilt for something I have yet to learn. I isolate. I prioritize my kids to prove my independence. I withdraw from situations that might create attention toward me. I will nit-pick his annoying habits. I find myself pushing him away so I won't get hurt. 

But where does that leave me? Hurting. 

This is not the daily norm for our marriage. But there are times that lies I tell myself or have repeated from someone else creep in and I find myself wondering if this is going to last. Of course, it's not going to last if I have that attitude. Marriage is a 24/7 job. It takes time and effort to replace lies with truth and to rebuild broken bonds. 

Maybe you have let the lies push your spouse so far away that you hold divorce papers in your hands. Maybe he has isolated so much that you are seeking comfort outside of your marriage. Maybe you are thinking it's too late. 

But it's not. I have not been in those particular situations but I can still say with authority and complete assurance that it is not too late to start reconciling a relationship with your spouse. While, I do believe in reconciling a relationship that has ended, I am speaking primarily to marriages here. 

When I believe lies; my marriage, or any relationship for that matter, suffers greatly. I am not a counselor or a marriage professional. I am simply a person who falls victim to the untruth. I tell myself I'm not good enough and all of a sudden I stop wanting to make dinner because I know it's going to suck. I let the lies that Satan whispers in my ears bring me down into a dark depression, a place I never want to be. 

But I can pull myself out by calling out the truths. I am good enough. I was made for a purpose. My marriage was ordained by God. I was bought by Jesus. I am wonderfully made. I am redeemed. I am made new. I am not covered in shame. There is no condemnation for me. I have been forgiven. I am saved. I am loved. 

We have to speak those truths aloud. Satan whispers but God's truth shouts. "The Lord your God is in your midst; he is a warrior who can deliver. He takes great delight in you; he renews you with his love; he shouts for joy over you," Zephaniah 3:17. God is an authority on you. After all He made you. So when we are listening and believe the lies we have to shout the truths. We have to drown out the noise of false labels and trust a loving God. 

In preparing for this trip to Africa (I leave in a week!!), I constantly find myself hearing lies that I'm neglecting my family or that I won't be loved when I come back. But I have to choose to believe the truth that even my husband will speak when he tells me he's proud. I have to listen when Christ speaks through other people to tell me I'm doing good works. I am glorifying God. God uses others to shed his light into our dark hearts. Are you listening? 

I know this time away won't be easy but I know that my husband won't love me less because of it and my kids won't forget me while I'm gone.