Rooting Our Marriage in Faith

Recently, we celebrated my grandparents-in-law 60th wedding anniversary. In their marriage, they have exhibited genuine kindness and love toward one another. They have been shining examples for me that service does not look like disheartened routine but instead embodies Christ himself. While, I have only been an onlooker and not directly enmeshed into their world I have seen the tender affection and noticed the appreciation. The very fact that Ephesians 5:22 can be seen so transparently in them is reason enough to desire a relationship modeled like theirs.

So, when trial arose for Sean and I we took a page out of their book and began writing our story differently. I was rooted firmly in Christ. Though I was shaken, I did not break. Through a lot of prayer and training I felt equipped to handle the hard stuff. Before I would have said, “you need to pray your heart will change.” This time I prayed for mine.

Three years ago when our marriage seemed to drip with bitterness, though we each had a faith, we were not accustomed to using that faith to restore relationships. Obviously, we made it through but the point is: the callous didn’t have to take so long to remove but we chose to hold tightly onto pride. We came to the end of ourselves and grudgingly gave up control, pride, and anger. Here, in present time, we still had to lay down our pride and anger but we did it with much more enthusiasm and willingness.

You can have faith but that doesn’t mean your life is going to look a whole lot differently from the outside than someone without faith. Your faith is seen and understood by how you handle the challenges that every living soul endures. Your faith is received through action.

In the course of four short weeks I have seen an incredible change occur in my husband that is quite effectively the Holy Spirit. I have not seen a defensive wall raise over blind mistakes made but rather leadership, kindness, and repentance. He has chosen to be like his grandfather and lean into the challenges to love his wife better.

I cannot say negative things about my husband, though sometimes he does not meet my expectations. He has changed over the course of our twelve years and even moreso in recent days. He hasn’t changed to the person I want him to be or the person he once was but into the man God designed him to be.

And that’s the thing when we stop challenging our spouse to change and start challenging our hearts to change toward them while praying for the will of God to be done then we will see change. It may not always be the change we want but it will not be bad. It’s a leap of faith.